you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
