just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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