Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
