Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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