There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
