your parents love me but you hate me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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