I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize