At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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