Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you would pick up someone in the library
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
