This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
