An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
