he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
