clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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