So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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