Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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