we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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