I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
