jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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