I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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