seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
