I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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