I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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