So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
