How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
