Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
