Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
