who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
