pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
