I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
