I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
