Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
