Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
