I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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