Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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