this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
