cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
