Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
