every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
