I wanna passion pit in your ass
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize