***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
