i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
