Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
