So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
