heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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