could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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