Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
