I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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