well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
