i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
