At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize