Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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