we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
