Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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