What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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