I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He kissed a someone with a penis
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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