I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
