I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
