dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
