drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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