It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
