I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
