So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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