He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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