Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
