I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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