My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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