I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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