Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You ruined the universe
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
