She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
