I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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