Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
