Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
