The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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