I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
