I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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