I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
