So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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