Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
